Foreword – by 3AW's Personality Pete

To be asked to pen a few words as a Foreword for a book is rather daunting, given the author of the book is somewhat more talented (at writing) than the Foreword writer. I do feel honoured to do so and commend to you the words and wit of Greg Shalless.

I have known Greg for close to 20 years, first meeting at Menzies at Rialto as we both formed a new addiction to those unforgiving poker machines. I was hosting special members’ nights for 3AW whilst Greg was hell bent on finding a fault in the Tabaret system to exploit. Greg would often state that they were basically just computer programs, created by humans and highly likely to have a bug that he could use to his advantage. Greg never found that fault but I believe someone did and made a small fortune.

Right from those days Greg’s love of English, proper English, was obvious. We would chat about words that irritated us the most when they were mispronounced and Greg would share a poem or two. Usually they revolved around sport or English and “You Ain’t No Better” became one of my favourite pieces. Let’s face it – we all know someone who thinks that ‘-ing words end in k’. I am pleased to see it in this book and suggest you read it out loud. I often use the piece in my media training as a way to make people listen to what they say. They laugh until I remind them that “maybe, you ain’t no better”.

Casting Nasturtiums is a clever and witty look at the English language and I commend the book to readers of all ages. Greg’s ability to pick up on the idiosyncrasies of the English language amazes me. Most of those that Greg chooses to write about will make you say, “I know someone who says that”. “The Two-Fowl Swoop”, “Quashing the Rumours” and “Tact” all get straight to the point – using the wrong word that sounds so very similar. It can be habit forming. But take a minute to read Pronunciation. This one is like a play on the old song “You say to-may-to and I say to-mar-to” but brings it up to date with an Aussie angle. “Incentivation” laments the trend to invent words to suit a political purpose. Can you really just invent a word? I suppose in some ways all words were ‘just invented’ at some stage of their life. “In eX-s” is quite a challenge to read, almost a tongue twister. Try your kids out on the poem and see if they can handle the excesses. It’s one of my favourites and oh so true. “Cappuccino” – you hear it mispronounced every day. Greg captures this one the same way I like my coffee – short and sweet. I love “I Didn’t Say He Stole Your Money” and Greg explains it so well. A seven word sentence that can be said seven different ways depending which word you choose to accentuate. This is another of Greg’s pieces that I use in media training to show that you have to choose your written words very carefully because you can’t write tone. Greg captures the subtlety perfectly. Don’t miss Greg’s Google search of mispronounced English at the end of the book. What a great example of how misused English risks becoming acceptable if it is used often enough. Where are our standards?

Good luck with the book Greg. Your work has given me much pleasure over the years, and anyone who can use the English language the way you can and write such entertaining verse deserves every success. Keep writing and I’ll keep reading, and never deviate from your original tenet of writing poetry. If it doesn’t rhyme, it isn’t a poem. Here is my short tribute to you.

Greg Shalless is a great Aussie blighter,
Who happens to be quite a writer.
He writes rhyming words
About nouns and adverbs
To make all our days a bit brighter.

Peter J. Cocks, 3AW’s “Personality Pete”